i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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