I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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