hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
