Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
