your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
