she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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