Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
