I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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