im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We named our party play list daddy issues
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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