just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
