This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
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Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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