Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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