She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My vagina is officially offended.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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