i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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