Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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