The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
