He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
