WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
