You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
