You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
