i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
