he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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