The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
