So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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