it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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