do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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