Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
