I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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