I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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