I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize