God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
