I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
