So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
