Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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