It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize