Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
