Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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