Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
is wine microwaveable?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
