This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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