There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
