talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
