I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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