Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
