she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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