Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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