she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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