I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
