it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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