and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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