I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just cropdusted the office
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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