Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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