I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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