i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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