She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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