If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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