So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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