I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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