Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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