HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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