just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
