Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
