I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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