Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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