So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
