She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
