yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
ttyl tear gas
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
