I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
