you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
