a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
