I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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