I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
