I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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