Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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