What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
