I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
