R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
