I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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