She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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