It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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