You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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